my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
