She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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