This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
