He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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