i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
