I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
