I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
