He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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