i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
