I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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