Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
