last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
