never play flip cup with pint glasses
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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