just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
