If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
