He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
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I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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