i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
