He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
