Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
