Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
