i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
