i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
