i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
