I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
