Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
