I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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