After last night, I could never be a politician.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
