from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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