I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
