I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
