Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
