Moan for me like Helen Keller
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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