Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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