dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
