Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
