Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
