I'm drive I can fine osifer
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
