Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
