guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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