mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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