Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
