Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Non-Jews are for practice
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
