He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
