I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
