I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
