i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize