I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
