I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
