omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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