Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
