So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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