Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Gay?
German.
Pity.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
