drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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