I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
