I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
