"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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