why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
