if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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