Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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