ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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