Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pants are for mortals
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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