Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
