Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
