Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
