if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
