I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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