i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
