i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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