what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
