the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
