i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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