i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
