Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
