You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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