Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
