I'm really into asian looking animals
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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