Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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