heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
