tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
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I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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