I'm lost and stupid without you.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
