so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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